NHL Lookalikes: Alex Semin and Thomas Haden Church

By Trapp

It’s gotta be fuckin just be KILLIN Semdog that Ovi got that Cup and went on an absolute tear celebratin it. Semin what the hell happened to you man? You put up some serious points playin in Washington. Jesus man. You’re lookin like a worn out dude who’s gone through at least two mid life crisis and you’re fuckin like 34.

I’ve been trying to pin it down for a while now who you look like and it’s Thomas Haden Church.

Your NHL career fell about as flat as Spider-Man 3 did. That goddamn scene of Emo-Pete and dancing around in the street. Incase you all forgot it was this absurdly bad moment in time nobody can ever get back:

That third Spider-Man movie easily one of the worst films I’ve ever seen in my entire life and everybody knows I’ve seen a lot of cinema. I’ve been quotin shit since I was 4. I was ahead of the curve then. I saw Showdown in Little Tokyo in 1995. I was 5.

But I digress.

These two look alike.

Also, Semin played drums on Staal’s head:

NHL Lookalikes: Joe Sakic and Harry Connick Jr.

By Trapp

Son of a bitch this ones real close. Their dangling hair is even similar too.

Love Joe Sakic. Hands down the quickest release on a shot I’ve ever seen. Classy guy too. Handed the Cup directly to Ray Bourque who had never won a Cup in the 22 years he was in the NHL. That shit will give you chills.

 

My man Harry Connick Jr. is a jack of all trades. Singer, composer, actor and television host. He’s got three fuckin Grammy Awards, he’s sold millions of albums worldwide. That’s great and all but there’s only one thing that this man has done that I truly care about:

He was Captain Jimmy Wilder in Independence Day.

I saw this movie in theater when I was seven and it’s also the first movie my friend Brian Dolan watched in surround sound. We all know Jimmy’s fate in ID4. And to this day I am still bothered by it.

What the fuck was he thinking banking at that speed? Taking off his mask too?

I Really Thought Drouin Exploded Last Night

By Trapp

Thomas Hickey laid out a monstrous hit on Jonthan Drouin last night in every sense of the word. If you were watching the Islander/Tampa game last night you got to see some shit. An absolute bomb by HedMAN, an awful Leddy goal. But, if you were Jonathan Drouin, you weren’t seeing much other stars and fuckin rainbows after Hickey’s body completely annihilated you. Drouin was damn near baby giraffe after the hit.


This isn’t stick and puck over at your local rink, don’t make that move at the blueline…ever. 

Blackhawks Team Security Is the Baddest Son of a Bitch In The Game

by Trapp

If you didn’t watch any hockey last night then you’re doin shit wrong. The NHL 2015-2016 season opened up last night and I couldn’t be more excited. Lots of shit happened. Cockbab obviously used the NHL’s first coach challenge and prevailed. Lucic is still a moron, Rangers got a nice victory on the road over the reigning Stanley Cup champs and it was tremendous to start the season that way.

The Blackhawks had a pregame ceremony to commemorate the previous season’s success and they raised their 2014-2015 Stanley Cup banner. Prior to the banner raising, the Blackhawks took a half hour to pretty much show every single person that ever worked for the team and/or worked at the United Center. Shit took forever. They were classy when they showed and thanked retired player Kimmo Timonen and went on to show trainers, scouts, coaches. They then threw a fuckin curveball and thanked motherfuckin Team Security, Brian Higgins.

  

  Look at the smirk on this old codger. Higgs looks like he has very little time for bullshit and takes no prisoners. Obviously I had to rewind a couple times hence the DVR thing gettin picked up in the video I don’t really care I was dying when I saw this guy. Higgs is like “shiiiiet” exactly like Senator Clay Davis from The Wire.

NHL Veteran Daniel Briere Calls It A Career

by Trapp

  
Danny B has played his final game in the NHL and it’s too bad it was with the Avalanche. All the damage he did against teams throughout his career in the playoffs was fun to watch except against my Rangers in 2007 but I digress. The former 1996 first round pick to the Phoenix Coyotes exits the game without a Stanley Cup. When healthy he was an exciting player to watch and he scored some clutch goals and did the same celebration legitimately every time. 

Not to mention the guy put 30 points in 2010 playoffs as a member of the Flyers when they went on to eventually lose to Chicago in the finals.

If You’re Near Chicago You Probably Wanna Party With This Man

by Trapp

  

He made a guarantee at the parade when he approached the microphone that everyone should “watch out for me next week!” 

He’s just gettin started. He’s gonna kick things into 48th gear. My friend and his girlfriend actually live in Chicago so they should absolutely make the right decision and watch out for Pat. 

Crawford Promises He Wouldn’t Swear at Cup Parade, Swears at Cup Parade.

By Doud

Chicago Tribune: “I’m going to try to be a little more professional,” Crawford said. “I owe it to all the mothers in the crowd.”

However, moms still might want to be on guard. When told Sharp suggested getting him a muzzle, Crawford said: “That’s probably a pretty (expletive) good idea.”

Man of his word.

But really though, fuck the moms.  Cup champs do and say as they please.

Patrick Kane Was In A Turgeon Card Like 20 Years Ago

by Trapp

  

Throughout this damn kid’s NHL career, when he’s on the ice, he’s in the right place at the right time. Like, all the time. Take a look at some of these highlights.

2010 – scores Stanley Cup winning goal in overtime

2013 – scores series hattrick/winning goal to advance to Stanley Cup finals

2015 – scores goal to give team 2-0 in Stanley Cup winning game

The kid’s a gamer and he’s now 3 time cup champion. Clutch performer, flare for the dramatics. The kid can do it all, he even chose the perfect night to get glass seats with Pat Sr., because he’s in a goddamn Pierre Turgeon card. Right place at the right time, all the time. 

Kimmo Says Kiss My Ass, I Won And Now I’m Retiring

By Trapp

  

Fantastic fuckin Finnish calling it a career. He had already made this decision that this was gonna be his final season regardless of winnin the Cup or not. Missed pretty much the whole damn season from a serious injury with blood clots. That’s some scary shit. He got cleared, trained, threw some weight around got in game shape. Stan makes a deal at the deadline and Kimmo leaves that joke of a team from the City of Brotherly Love and is now headin to a perrenial Cup contending team. 

  
It was a story book ending for this guy who had won at every level but never a Stanley Cup. Ironic enough his only appearance in a Cup final prior to this one was with Philadelphia when the Blackhawks beat them in six games in 2010. Well that shit’s history and now Timmonen is a part of history. He will get his name engraved on the Stanley Cup and be part of a remarkable team.  Fuckin GET IT.

 

  
Hossa in the background doin the Tusken Raider..