Mark Lazarus, NBC Sports Head, Can Fuck Right Off

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Mara Beard very necessary.

by Doud

From the Chicago Tribune:

“The players won’t like this, but I wish they all would stop growing beards in the postseason,” Lazarus said. “Let’s get their faces out there. Let’s talk about how young and attractive they are. What model citizens they are. (Hockey players) truly are one of a kind among professional athletes. 

“I know it’s a tradition and superstition, but I think (the beards do) hurt recognition. They have a great opportunity with more endorsements. Or simply more recognition with fans saying, ‘That guy looks like the kid next door,’ which many of these guys do. I think that would be a nice thing.”

Ya know whats cool nowadays (and has probably jumped the shark)?  Beards.  Ya know whats always been manly as fuck?  Beards.  It’s called fashion Mark, look it up, and in hockey you simply don’t mess with tradition*.  Ken Morrow walked outta Lake Placid with gold in hand and into Nassau onto pro ice and said “fuck this shaving bullshit, I came to win.”  And unfortunately, that’s exactly what he did for 4 straight years.  Thus the full follicle tradition was born.  Seriously as the saying goes, “how do you shave your beard? YOU DON’T.”  So yea, I don’t think anyone’s about to listen to smooth faced Mark Lazarus of NBC.  Not to mention, last I checked Gillette, the best a man can get, is a long time sponsor of the League of National Hockey and I’m PRETTY sure you need facial hair in order to market such a product geared toward the removal of such.  Cross promotion BITCH, use your brain one time for me MARK.

Seriously, hockey’s a man’s game played by men, other than Sidney Crosby.

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Hit puberty sometime before age 30 bro honestly.

*EXCEPTION: ’94 Rangers, ‘cuz Mess told his troops he aint partaking in any Islander bullshit.

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Nowhere Near A Knight In Shining Armor

By Trapp

Princess Crosby played hockey last night. And as expected, a lot of bullshit came from him. Taking multiple runs at Ryan McDonagh towards the end of the game. Got McDonagh with two elbows up high and a stick under the visor.

He’s easily one of the dirtiest/cheap players in the game. He of course starts a fight at the final buzzer when the game was finished and his minion Chris Kunitz comes in blindsiding Moore and taking him to the boards. Patrick Hornqvist (who I liked when he was in Nashville) has turned into a complete joke, as did James Neal when he went to Pittsburgh. Hornqvist had Hagelin in a headlock for about 20 seconds on the ice and Crosby was being detained by a ref.

We’ve already had a post recently about the distaste for Princess Crosby but how is this kid the face of the NHL? He’s not even a kid anymore. He’s 27 year old man who I wouldn’t even want an autograph from. Night in and night out whining and complaining to referees, diving. For a guy who has missed a significant amount of hockey already in his career due to concussion, he sure likes target player’s heads to deliberately hurt them.

Maybe McDavid will have some class by the time he plays 9 seasons in the NHL.

Safe To Say Duncan Keith Watches The Last Of The Mohicans

By Trapp

If anybody saw last night’s LA ChiTown game then you can agree with me that Keith displayed some cunning instinct attack skills when Ffejj Retrac decided to play coy and try and knock his glove away. Knocking the glove away is a great move if you can do it nonchalant and/or it’s against Bitch Boy Sindy Coxby. BUT, I gotta tell you, I give credit where and when it’s due and when Sindy knocked Voracek’s glove away last year in the ‘yoffs it was pretty funny. So blatantly obvious:

Nice one Sid BUUUUUUT what goes around comes around guy:

Fuckin Bob Errey blows his load OOOOOH LOOK OUT OOOH. Bro shut up.

So yeah, Duncan Keith may or may not have watched The Last of the Mohicans before last’s nights reallllly important game. I gotta tell ya, that movie rules pretty hard. Danny Day Lew is the man in the movie and I think I know what Keith’s favorite part is:

With that being said, there are three things:
-Attempting to the knock the glove away
-Knocking the glove away
-Doing any of the above and it’s done toward Duncan Keith

My God.

Probably Only Flying JetBlue From Now On Since Even They Know Crosby’s a Bitch

Probably Only Flying JetBlue From Now On Since Even They Know Crosby's a Bitch

By Doud

Apparently there was a crying baby on board of a flight out of the ‘Burgh last night which obviously was confused for Sid.

Pilot gets on the mic and asks if Crosby was on board which is the obvious response.

Honest question: is any top athlete more rightfully disrespected than this dude? How can the city of Pittsburgh look anyone in the eye and say you’re proud of your captain when he’s such a diving whiner that even airline pilots IN YOUR CITY mistake him for a literal baby?

Fuck this guy. Boston in 3 cuz its gonna be that bad.