Call to John: The Saga Continues

By Trapp

It’s now time for John Tavares to make a choice. And the correct choice is to leave the Islanders.

John and his camp are set to meet this week at his agency’s location in Los Angeles. He’s got a list of five different teams he’s going to be meeting with as well as the Islanders before July 1st. The five teams are Dallas, Boston, San Jose, Toronto and Tampa Bay. Pierre LeBrun mentioned in a tweet that Tavares “will have phone conversations with 2-3 other teams and perhaps meet with two of them.” So there are other teams in the mix outside of those six teams mentioned above. Vegas is definitely in there, maybe New Jersey.

It is possible that John says fuck it all and re-signs with the Islanders for eight more years getting that extra year. I don’t know where the fuck he’s gonna end up. He’s gonna stay in New York or go somewhere else. You would think that if he was completely sold on Lou coming in hot and bringing in Bad Boy Barry then the deal would be done to stay with the Islanders. But who knows. Just don’t go to Toronto. Fuck that team.

Here’s all the Islander fans right now:

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Mike HoffMAN Traded Twice Before Lunch

By Trapp

The Ottawa Senators are a dumpster fire. First the Assistant GM has allegations toward him about gettin weird with a driver and then the story breaks about HoffMAN’s fiancé cyber bullying Erik Karlsson’s wife. Not a good look for the franchise.

So, within days of all that coming out, GM Pierre Dorion fuckin trades HoffMAN to San Jose along with defenseman Cody Donaghey and a 2020 fifth round draft pick, for Mikkel Boedker, defenseman Julius Bergman and a 2020 sixth rounder. Ok cool.

Two hours later.

Doug Wilson GM of San Jose gives Dale Tallon, GM of the Florida Panthers, a call and they strike a deal. HoffMAN is sent BAAACK to the East and to the same goddamn division. Hey Senators, you get to play Michael and the Cats four times next season. Going back to San Jose in the deal from Florida was a 2019 second-round pick, a 2018 fourth-round pick and a 2018 fifth-round pick.

That’s some GM sorcery by Doug Wilson. Shedding Boedker’s contract and collecting draft picks which never hurts. This clears cap room for them to take a run at free agents John Tavares and Ilya Kovalchuk. And as for Ottawa… yea it’s just gonna get worse when Karlsson is eventually dealt.

Matt Duchene must be thrilled…

Todd’s Gotta Get A New Boj

By Trapp

After never winning a Stanley Cup with the best team in league forever and missing the post season for the first time in God knows how long the inevitable happened: Woug Dilson will have a new coach behind the bench for the San Jose Sharks when next season starts.

It was deemed as a “mutual parting”. Whatever, he got fired pretty much. Todd lost the lockerroom. He didn’t like misplace it or anything, his players just kinda said fuck you after a while. Without naming names Thoe Jornton as well as Logan. Top yugs speakin out about their distaste for how shit’s goin.

Anyway Todd’s a really really good coach. He won Stan with Detroit and Cockbab as an assistant coach in 2008. Shortly after that feat he was hired as head coach in San Jose. He’s coached some of the best and premiere players in the league during his time in California. Multiple division titles, a lot of post season play and a plethora of playoff exits. Joking aside, Todd is goin to fill a vacant coaching position quickly and will have an immediate impact.

It all starts with a campaign. I strongly suggest they use the idea of this video and send it around the league to the teams in need of a coach.

Tomas Hertl Works Out in Pools With Old People

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By Doud

Rookie sensation Tommy Hert has been out since December with a torn up knee and will miss the upcoming Olympic Games, but apparently he’s been livin it up with the elderly in pools as part of his recovery. Anything to keep your spirits up I guess. I’m guessing he’s the only one there with actual biological hips.

Also: dude straight chillin in the back on the pool stairs just CRUSHING life.

Scrivens Has to Be Related to Ron Tugnutt

By Trapp

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Ben Scrivens made 59 stops tonight against the fucking San Jose Sharks. That stat somehow set a franchise record for the Edmonton Oilers by passing Bill Ranford. This all blows my mind because ummmm Grant Fuhr played for OilCity.

Scrivens was literally 11 saves away from tying Ron Tugnutt’s record for 70 goddamn saves in a game.

I really don’t know if Doud could’ve handled that scenario at all…

‘Jumbo Joe’ Would Show Us Just What That Means If He Pulled A Hertl

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By Doud

Hearing a question to Marleau about Hertl and whether he was showboating, Thornton said: “Shut up, have you ever played the game?”
When the press turned his way, he then added:
“I’d have my cock out if I scored four goals. I’d have my cock out, stroking it.”

Yo sometimes you gotta whip it out and put all your cards on the table. Kudos to Joe for sticking up for his teammate and in so many words telling Farjan Lalji to go fuck himself. Anyone, Adam Oates included, that thinks what Tomas Hertl did was showboating or in anyway a disgrace is a short minded idiot that needs to realize that highlight reel moves in any fashion are good for the game and pretty sick if you can pull them off. I mean, why do basketball players dunk? You could just lay it up right? See how stupid this is? Showing personality and flair in sports is a good thing.

This is gonna get real awkward should Thornton legit have a four goal night, and the first person that throws a fake rooster on the ice after one of his goals gets an A+. Imagine Joe straight up windmillin at center ice? wait, nevermind. Don’t imagine that.

My top cellys that I’ve legit done:
1)Knighted
2)ice slide
3)too hott
4) that was easy button (with sound effect in arena speakers)
5)Miss America hand wave