Yea Well McDavid’s Back

By Trapp

  
Listen I’m just gonna say this: Yug misses 37 games… First game back… He does this… Holy God.

He scored ALOT of goals like the one in the video above when he played for the Erie Otters.

Joonas Korpisalo more than likely shit himself when he saw McDavid emerge through the entire team and all that was left was him. 

IMPORTANT NEWS: Jagr Flow To Make Triumphant Return

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jaromir-jagr-mullet

By Doud

The Hockey News: “I have to.”

You’re damn right you have to Jaromir, there’s literally no reason you should have ever cut it in the first place.  The biggest crime in the game over the past decade and a half is the absence of that magnificent and legendary mane.

But Jags, you couldn’t make this monumental announcement like a week ago?  C’mon bro, I had my fantasy draft on Saturday night and would have made you my first round pick if I knew the legendary Jagr Flow was gonna be back in action this year.  If you don’t think Jaromir’s gonna tear shit up and put up astounding numbers whilst his mane of glory dazzles defenders then you don’t know anything about hockey or the 90s and you’re just flat out a stupid person.  Throw out all preseason picks and put the Panthers on top of your list of contenders ‘cuz theres just no stopping Jagr Flow.  I’m setting the over/under at 473 for points this year by the ageless Czech, and I’m taking the over.  By a lot.

Education:

Tavares, Islanders Join nWo

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nwo

By Doud

Well you knew this was coming, there was no way the isles would move to Brooklyn and not want to jump on the Nets’ all black everything bandwagon to attempt to drum up the BK Hipster fandom.  Lets get one thing clear off the top: if you say you hate this look your’re wrong and Kevin Nash, Hollywood Hogan and Scott Hall will fuck you up.  Its a solid uniform set head to toe with a simplistic, yet iconic jersey design with the four pinstripes on the sleeves representing the only time they’ve ever been relevant  …well you know what it represents.  The NY logo is bold and front and center and is honestly a great look.  The BKLYN helmet logos are a bit of a mouthful but fit the overall motif they’re goin for of “yo we play in Brooklyn now so get over it.”

Having said that is Barclay’s Center actually a prison?  Or does this look just re-iterate that Islander fans won’t show up to Brooklyn and they anticipate the place being as silent as a mime? Perhaps its a dark representation that the Islanders are in fact dead considering that name is nowhere to be found on this uni.  We all know Brooklyn is hipster as fuck but didn’t realize how emo it apparently is (I could go on and on). Either way it’s yet another large departure from the solid and iconic blue and orange uniform/color set that the Isles have always had, which along with the Oilers is up there as best in the game, and that’s the only reason why Islander die-hards might deride them.  That, and all the other reasons I listed in this paragraph.

Marc-Andre Fleury Did A Really Good Dennis Lemieux In This Remake Of Slapshot’s Opening Scene 

by Trapp

Not too shabby by Flower. I mean you’d even think they were the same player when you watch some of Fleury’s recent playoff performances. Regardless this video was actually funny. Wish they had Bob Errey playing Jim Carr instead of Dan Potash so Fleury could actually spear him. Bob Errey sucks. 

Dale Purinton Was Arrested For Burglary and Has A Terrifying Mug Shot 

By Trapp

  

An incident that occurred last week was rectified last night. The former New York Ranger who legitimately had a worse overall awarensss for the game of hockey than Rich Pilon was arrested last night. Yeah the guy who tried to gouge out Colton Orr’s eyes in a fight when Orr was on the Bruins. Yeah that guy. Dale Purinton. 

  
Dickhead Dale thought it was a tremendous idea to break into someone’s home, injure them and flea the scene. Also I’m probably gonna have nightmares after gettin a look at that mug shot. Good God dude.

The Sedin Twins Played A Game Of Horse Yesterday And It Makes Me Feel Better About My Life 

by Trapp

For me to really elaborate on this would give me such a migraine and I’m not looking to get into that today. This fuckin New Jersey heat is bad enough. These two are so awkwardly bad I was just laughing the whole time watching it. 

Here’s a picture of them playing soccer. Wish there was video footage of this.

  
If their game of horse wasn’t orchestrated this way then they are complete failures:

NHL Veteran Daniel Briere Calls It A Career

by Trapp

  
Danny B has played his final game in the NHL and it’s too bad it was with the Avalanche. All the damage he did against teams throughout his career in the playoffs was fun to watch except against my Rangers in 2007 but I digress. The former 1996 first round pick to the Phoenix Coyotes exits the game without a Stanley Cup. When healthy he was an exciting player to watch and he scored some clutch goals and did the same celebration legitimately every time. 

Not to mention the guy put 30 points in 2010 playoffs as a member of the Flyers when they went on to eventually lose to Chicago in the finals.