WHAT IF THE NEXT BIG WAS MY HEAD EXPLODED LIKE THE SCENE FROM SCANNERS?

By Trapp

Anyone who has the NHL Network aka chell net, we all know they show some really really mediocre, nearly unwatchable awful commercials basically 24/7. I feel like that shit gets worse as the night goes on especially from like 10pm-5am. That’s a large span of really bad commercials.

I’d like to now share a few of the real slobber knockers here with you guys:

At number 4 we have the Hair Club Commercial. It’s simple: if you’re out of shape you’re bald; you get hair, you’re then in athletic shape and you’re in bed with two women. Best part happens 2:00

At number 3 we have Criss Angel’s Magic Kit Commercial. This is the kit that will for sure turn you into a sorcerer and it comes with a shit ton of instructions and videos on to perform the best tricks and also to levitate. I forgot that these were all the things that I wake up and strive to do. Just watch this.

The best trick might be the guy performing the ‘Rising Ring’. Definitely the perfect ice breaker bro.

At number 2 we have the HD Aviator Glasses Commercial. In this it feature a similar rendition to the beginning of the Top Gun. Also, this commercial may or may not feature OJ Simpson at 49 seconds…

And without further adieu we have number 1….

You might recognize the first five seconds of this if you are a frequent NHL network viewer. You also might recognize the other part that’s featured in this short video if you are Dyan Roud and rent films from 1981…or Scanners

GOT MANY THINGS TO DISCUSS, MAINLY UPDATES

By Trapp

Bergeron is listed as day to day.

That’s a breath of fresh air for Claude and his boys.

Their fate is decided Monday night

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Annnnnnnd

Their fate is decided Friday night

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As Bill Pullman once said in his brilliant performance as the president in Indepedence Day:

“May our children forgive us.”

GET IT: All Business

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By Trapp

Both teams have been in this position before when the series has been 3-2.

2010: Chicago takes the cup in Philly in game 6

2011: Boston beats the hell out of
Luongo in game 6 on home ice then wins game 7 in Van City

It’s gonna be all business for both teams Monday night. And the Bruins may have to do it without Patrice Bergeron.

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(Bergeron leaving the ice after injury)

Yug got so hurt on an innocent lookin play to the extent that he didn’t play a shift for the rest of the second period and was then taken to an area hospital. Don’t know what the injury is, but it’s gonna be a huge loss for the B’s if he can’t play.

Tonight Will Be The Most Important Game

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By Trapp

Game 5 tonight in Chicago

Series Tied at 2-2

The winner of tonight’s game will also be the same team that eventually wins game 6 and also the Stanley Cup.

I’m picking the Bruins tonight with the victory.

There are two yugs in Boston that I think are gonna have big games and they are the yugs in photo above:

Patrice Bergeron and Jaromir Jagr.

Expect Bergeron to be dominant in the face off circle and both ends of the ice. Would be pretty sick if Jags gets on the board tonight with a g-note.

I called Boston in 6 and if that happens I’ll start buying lottery tickets again.

This one time I turned into a dog and they helped me. Thank you.

PAT RILEY NEEDS TO COME TO AC WITH ME AND MY BOYS ON THURSDAY

By Trapp

Listen I don’t like the NBA but locker room post championship celebrations in any sport is probably a thrill of a lifetime. Obviously it’s by far the greatest regarding the NHL because every chick is hot which is a given and you’re drinkin ‘pagne from the cup. I don’t even wanna talk about it because now I wanna party.

Pat Riley made a bold move when he poured that ‘pagne on that news anchor chick. Best part about it is at 39 seconds in he proclaims in such a modest fashion:

“Champagne.”

Well done Pat.

By the way me, Doud, Chuck Pat, LAN and Syle Kala & Co., are goin to the Trop Thursday-Saturday hit us up bro.

Tony Amonte Gets His

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By Trapp

Hossa: ‘I don’t really care what Tony Amonte says’
Capture

Tony nobody cares what you have to say.

Fat Amonte took a few shots at Hossa sayin his he doesn’t have the highest threshold for pain, it wasn’t right for the team not to come out with the injury and to keep it so secretive.

“Always hurt, he’s injured, he’s in, he’s out of the lineup. Just not a guy that plays through injury,” Amonte said Monday night. “At this point of the season, those are the guys you need.”

“Why couldn’t he have played 10 minutes last game? Why couldn’t he help the Chicago Blackhawks out on the power play?” Amonte said Wednesday on “Postgame Live.”

Yo Tony shut the fuck up bro, this is the yugs fourth appearance to the finals and already has a cup. You don’t have anything. You got traded the year the Rangers won the cup how does that make you feel?

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Hossa played last night: played more than 19 minutes on the ice, got a helper on Sharpy’s goal and he had four shots on net.

With that being said….

Yeah You Can Definitely Catch

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By Trapp

Anyone in the world who watched you play sports last night can attest to the fact that you indeed can’t catch. Every goal that was scored on you was on your Danny Glover:

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You and your boys got lucky because I think Jags was lurkin all night and if he was to rip a vintage Jagr slobber knocker over the glove, it would’ve been at your most vulnerable state being last nights match.

Better hang out with Benny the Jet at the Sandlot and work on your glove bro because Saturday ain’t gon be easy.

Can’t be lettin goals in on your Crispin Glover all your life…..

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TODAY IN THINGS THAT SUCK: Stanley Cup Swagger

by Doud

Do you even lift bro? Sweet cut off Toews shirt dude. 0 chance you flexed and the sleeves fell off. Clean it up. I may be white but these idiots are WHITE (despite their decent at best rap skills). The only thing worse than this is Bieber rockin a bruins hat so that is Chicago’s only reprieve.

SHIPPIN UP TO BOSTON

By Trapp

Danny Paille and his fourth line wreckin crew lead his team to another victory.

Paille had the assist on KELLY’s game tying goal in the second period.

Then Paille had a snip bomb off the pipe and in past Crawford aka my look alike.

Yo Pierre, NO SHIT BOLLIG WANTS THIS ONE BACK. What all started the play was a routine wrap around the boards from Seabrook and look who is on the boards in overtime and fails to chip it passed Boychuk:

Bollig.

If in 15 years this blog is still goin, he will most likely be featured on Washed Up Wednesday. His attempt to chipping the puck out or taking a hit to make a play literally cost his team a game. He gave the Bruins what they wanted, a split in ChiTown to ship up to Boston to perhaps grab two games at home. Good job Bollig.

This had to be going through Joel Quenneville’s head when he realized Bollig failed to clear the zone:

GAME 3 MONDAY SHEEEEEIIITT

EDITORS NOTE: I’m Chris Doud and I flat out called Paille. Also I’m fucked up.

Andrew Shaw LOVES Shin Pads

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Shin-Guard-Sizing

By Trapp

Last night was such an amazing Game 1. We had hits, goals, saves especially the Danny Glover that Corey Crawford had on Marchand.

Game started a little after 8. I saw ‘This Is The End’ at 11:30…game ended at like 1 friggin AM bro. Kept checkin my phone for updates during the movie: OT, Headin to Dub OT, then Trip T’s. SHeeeeeeeeeeit. I get home, catch a little Chell Network with Kat Tap, Doug LB, Panger, Weeksey the whole gang is there. And then this happened…..

Andrew Shaw LOVES Shin Pads. Thank God he wore em last night bro.

I gotta tell you the last 24 hours have been really exciting.