NHL Lookalikes: Alex Semin and Thomas Haden Church

By Trapp

It’s gotta be fuckin just be KILLIN Semdog that Ovi got that Cup and went on an absolute tear celebratin it. Semin what the hell happened to you man? You put up some serious points playin in Washington. Jesus man. You’re lookin like a worn out dude who’s gone through at least two mid life crisis and you’re fuckin like 34.

I’ve been trying to pin it down for a while now who you look like and it’s Thomas Haden Church.

Your NHL career fell about as flat as Spider-Man 3 did. That goddamn scene of Emo-Pete and dancing around in the street. Incase you all forgot it was this absurdly bad moment in time nobody can ever get back:

That third Spider-Man movie easily one of the worst films I’ve ever seen in my entire life and everybody knows I’ve seen a lot of cinema. I’ve been quotin shit since I was 4. I was ahead of the curve then. I saw Showdown in Little Tokyo in 1995. I was 5.

But I digress.

These two look alike.

Also, Semin played drums on Staal’s head:

I Really Thought Drouin Exploded Last Night

By Trapp

Thomas Hickey laid out a monstrous hit on Jonthan Drouin last night in every sense of the word. If you were watching the Islander/Tampa game last night you got to see some shit. An absolute bomb by HedMAN, an awful Leddy goal. But, if you were Jonathan Drouin, you weren’t seeing much other stars and fuckin rainbows after Hickey’s body completely annihilated you. Drouin was damn near baby giraffe after the hit.

This isn’t stick and puck over at your local rink, don’t make that move at the blueline…ever. 

Islander and Capitals face off in Mortal Kombat

By The Beacon

Safe to say we are viewing Mortal Kombat right now with this Islander/Capitals series. This has been one of the more exciting series in the playoffs thus far. There is a lot surrounding each game in this series outside of the rink that just adds more excitement to each shift of the game and that’s really something we need to see more of as fans. We have this being the last playoff run at Nassau Coliseum for the Islanders which built up this first round so much as it is. We have capitals fans in New York being heckeled incessantly by savage islander fans (which will happen to any fan at any playoff series so those clowns need to lighten up). And there are people stealing seats from Nassau.  I mean my god. One playoff run and everyone loses their minds.

Last nights game however really picked it up about 12 notches. Wilson lays a big hit on Visnovsky which I am pretty sure his grandfather felt. Wilson becomes public enemy number one afterwards since Reggie Dunlop put a bounty on his head. Orpik takes a skate to the face. 

And then after the Cap win someone was generous enough to provide Orpik some beer. See. Not all isles fans are bad.

Anyway, I am expecting the next game to get ugly. I want to see some more big hits. I want to see Matt Martin chirp the Caps all game. I want this to escalate like the Habs/Sens series should have escalated. Don’t let me down boys.

NHL Headlines at it Again

 By The Beacon
Welp. NHL writers at it again with their headlines and captions. This one is just a little aggressive, don’t you think? The “Great White Way?” Listen guys, it’s 2015. Let’s try and be a little less, Hitler/white supremacists and be a little more current in American culture. 

Anyway, these are the other top headlines on the NHL site this morning:

1) Carl me maybe

2) Ex-Zach-tly 

3) Scan slam

4) Ducks in a row 

5) Stemp it up

Winnipeg’s First Playoff series in 2 Decades


By The Beacon

Tonight, Winnipeg will host its first NHL playoff game in 19 years. They face off against the Mighty Ducks of Anaheim in game 3, and I guarantee that building will be insane. Jets 2.0 are down in the series and this home game should help boost their performance. 

Thing is, the  Ducks are a strong team. There is only one way to beat them tonight, and that’s to pull a move from the Ducks own playbook. The Winnipeg Jets have to come out in their retro unis. It worked for the ducks in D2 The mighty ducks. It means it can definitely work against them too. Think about it. This could be the biggest event in the post season. The Jets coming out in their retro unis led by Teemu himself. 

This straight up needs to happen. Shove their game right back at them and shove it down Gordon Bombays throat.

I Don’t Think Dave Cameron is Kidding

Senators Head Coach Dave Cameron

By Trapp

Things got a little ugly last night in Montreal. Lars Eller thought it was a good idea to butt-end Meeky Zibs in the waj. And then later in the tilt Subban chops at Stark Mone’s wrist and fractures the goddamn thing. Subban got 5 and was tossed. And then came Senator’s head coach Dave Cameron’s presser after the game:

This guy fuckin rules. He’s got this villain-like demeanor to him. He’s like a cross fade between Benedict Cumberbatch and David Bowie. Cross fade.

So pretty much Cave Dameron is like “yo suspend Subban or we get a free shot at Pacioretty Thursday”

Now that Mark Stone is going to miss time with a broken wrist, Cumberbatch will be inserting Chris Neil into the lineup….

Your move Therrien.

Hey Boston:

By Doud

Seriously though. But really with that ending. I swear I’ve seen a lotta shit in my time but DAMN. Not sure if I’ve ever seen the Cup legit stolen like that. Unreal. Bruins are basically “HEY HONEY I’M WINNING I’M WINNING..AND I’M DEAD.”
Toronto commin in HOT:
Fuckin karma bro.



By Doud

Live from B-town: Bolland and Bickell score the biggest goals of their careers to steal game 6 late to crush the Bruins hopes of forcing game 7 and capture the cup for Chi-Town. They’re goin back to Chicago with the cup and partyin for like 18 days straight with all kindsa ‘pagne, beer, and shots flowin like goddamn Niagra Falls.
I absolutely LOVE how everyone’s first thought on Facebook and Twitter alike was how fucked up Kaner is gonna get within minutes.

P.S. Viktor Stalberg with one of the quotes of the night: