NHL Lookalikes: Glassjaw frontman Daryl Palumbo and Mike Riberio

By Trapp

I was listening to Glassjaw and looking at 1998 NHL draft at the same time because that’s just what ya do sometimes and I’m like I feel like I’ve thought of this before then moved on with my life. But it popped I there again. DP and Mikey Ribs: strong resemblance.

It’s funny how much of a dick Ribeiro was. He was always runnin his mouth givin players shit even the officials. He “shhhushed” the LA Kings after a shootout goal with pretty tight move. Looked sweet.

I will say though Mike, you were a hell of a player. Offensively gifted, making great passes setting people up, scoring a sweet goal too. Getting into bar fights with your wife like a duo. Now that’s love man. Still to this day.. why did you do this?

Daryl Palumbo, Long Island native.. I lived there for a little too so we’re practically related. He’s a man of many projects. Frontman of Glassjaw, founded Head Automatica, Color Film, House of Blow, United Nations… the band.. not the intergovernmental organization. Guy does a lot, keeps busy. Glassjaw released “Material Control” December 1, 2017, their first album in 15 years. It’s a fuckin hittah.

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NHL Lookalikes: Alex Semin and Thomas Haden Church

By Trapp

It’s gotta be fuckin just be KILLIN Semdog that Ovi got that Cup and went on an absolute tear celebratin it. Semin what the hell happened to you man? You put up some serious points playin in Washington. Jesus man. You’re lookin like a worn out dude who’s gone through at least two mid life crisis and you’re fuckin like 34.

I’ve been trying to pin it down for a while now who you look like and it’s Thomas Haden Church.

Your NHL career fell about as flat as Spider-Man 3 did. That goddamn scene of Emo-Pete and dancing around in the street. Incase you all forgot it was this absurdly bad moment in time nobody can ever get back:

That third Spider-Man movie easily one of the worst films I’ve ever seen in my entire life and everybody knows I’ve seen a lot of cinema. I’ve been quotin shit since I was 4. I was ahead of the curve then. I saw Showdown in Little Tokyo in 1995. I was 5.

But I digress.

These two look alike.

Also, Semin played drums on Staal’s head:

Torts Is Fired Up And This Is Exactly What We Needed

By Trapp

It’s no secret how John Tortorella feels about the Pittsburgh Penguins. He fuckin hates that organization with a passion. And to add salt to the wound, veteran defenseman Jack Johnson left the Columbus Blue Jackets and signed a deal with the Penguins.

Torts heard about Johnson saying he chose Pittsburgh to “be part of a winning culture.”

Shots fired.

In an interview with The Athletic, Torts took those comments as a slap in the face to Columbus. Torts tried calling Jack up and seeing what’s what and Jack is ghostin John.

“He doesn’t have enough balls to call me back, because I’ve tried to get in touch with him,” Tortorella told The Athletic. “You don’t (expletive) on an organization that’s done nothing but try to help you. We all know Jack has had some problems along the way here. It’s very well-chronicled. All we’ve done is try to (expletive) help him.”

Jack denied his message being a shot at his former team but more so to the fact that Pitt has two cups in the last three seasons.

Oh and Torts also heard about some of the comments that Pittsburgh GM Jim Rutherford made about why Johnson had been scratched in these past playoffs. Torts had an answer for Rutherford. And it was simply:

“Rutherford needs to the shut the fuck up.”

NHL Lookalike: Michael Del Zotto and ‘90s heartthrob Andrew Keegan

By Trapp

Resemblance is pretty striking. Both once teen heartthrobs that had a couple good hits and it’s kinda been nothing since.

Zel Dotto, promising rookie for the New York Rangers. Didn’t turn into Brian Leetch and has been bouncing around on 1-2 year deals with teams before the age of 30.

The Keegs, solid appearance on Full House.

Made his rounds through some of TGIF line up: Boy Meets World, Step by Step

Co-started with Heath Ledger in the classic 10 Things I Hate About you. And didn’t really have anything big after that. In 2014 he started a religion called Full Circle and it’s in Venice Beach.

Tight.

The Penguins Makin Cap Space For A Move

By Trapp

Pittsburgh Penguins traded Conor Sheary and Hatt Munwick to the Buffalo Sabres for a conditional 2019 fourth-round draft pick. One shit city to another, man that’s gotta suck. Not gonna be sippin from the Cup for a while sorry boys.

This is clearly a cap dump maneuver for the Penguins to have some room to make a move with July 1st just four days away. There’s word out that they have interest in chapter eleven defender Jack Johnson, as well as maybe acquiring Jeff Skinner outta Carolina via trade. But can’t this team just be bad for a little bit again? I don’t understand how this fuckin team’s ever been under the salary cap to begin with yet they somehow make it work. They’re not one of the remaining teams in the running for JT but I gotta say, if I wake up July 1st and JT said SIIIIIIIKE! and it was an alternate reality like alternate ‘85 in Back to the Future 2 and it was all a plan to make a super team then I’m going to just give up on life all together.

No one can allow that to happen. That would be alternative 2018 so we’re good.

Anyway here’s Banana Pancakes by Jack Johnson… the other Jack Johnson.

Filip ‘I Bring the Goals” Zadina

By Trapp

Bergervin not picking Zadina at third overall in the draft this past Friday is so Bergervin. Instead of the skilled goal scoring machine winger Montreal went with Jesperi Kotkaniemi to fill the void at center that the organization has lacked. Zadina then sat as three players were selected before him. And now Detroit is on the clock with the sixth pick in the draft. At this point I wouldn’t have been surprised to see Zadina not picked again but Ken Holland was intelligent and Filip Zadina was finally selected. Arguably the second-best goal scorer in this years draft, what a fuckin gift for Detroit.

Zadina was asked after he was drafted what he brings to the Red Wings organization:

“I bring the goals.”

If you’re the Red Wings you gotta love grabbing this player at the sixth spot and what he will bring to your team. With Zadina projected to have gone number three in the draft it would’ve been a no brainer for the Montreal Canadiens to select him right? Not if you’re Marc Bergervin.

Zadina had one message for the Canadiens and Senators for not picking him:

“I’m going to fill their net with pucks.”

Like the Senators don’t have enough problems. Well, consider yourself warned.