Torts Is Fired Up And This Is Exactly What We Needed

By Trapp

It’s no secret how John Tortorella feels about the Pittsburgh Penguins. He fuckin hates that organization with a passion. And to add salt to the wound, veteran defenseman Jack Johnson left the Columbus Blue Jackets and signed a deal with the Penguins.

Torts heard about Johnson saying he chose Pittsburgh to “be part of a winning culture.”

Shots fired.

In an interview with The Athletic, Torts took those comments as a slap in the face to Columbus. Torts tried calling Jack up and seeing what’s what and Jack is ghostin John.

“He doesn’t have enough balls to call me back, because I’ve tried to get in touch with him,” Tortorella told The Athletic. “You don’t (expletive) on an organization that’s done nothing but try to help you. We all know Jack has had some problems along the way here. It’s very well-chronicled. All we’ve done is try to (expletive) help him.”

Jack denied his message being a shot at his former team but more so to the fact that Pitt has two cups in the last three seasons.

Oh and Torts also heard about some of the comments that Pittsburgh GM Jim Rutherford made about why Johnson had been scratched in these past playoffs. Torts had an answer for Rutherford. And it was simply:

“Rutherford needs to the shut the fuck up.”

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The Penguins Makin Cap Space For A Move

By Trapp

Pittsburgh Penguins traded Conor Sheary and Hatt Munwick to the Buffalo Sabres for a conditional 2019 fourth-round draft pick. One shit city to another, man that’s gotta suck. Not gonna be sippin from the Cup for a while sorry boys.

This is clearly a cap dump maneuver for the Penguins to have some room to make a move with July 1st just four days away. There’s word out that they have interest in chapter eleven defender Jack Johnson, as well as maybe acquiring Jeff Skinner outta Carolina via trade. But can’t this team just be bad for a little bit again? I don’t understand how this fuckin team’s ever been under the salary cap to begin with yet they somehow make it work. They’re not one of the remaining teams in the running for JT but I gotta say, if I wake up July 1st and JT said SIIIIIIIKE! and it was an alternate reality like alternate ‘85 in Back to the Future 2 and it was all a plan to make a super team then I’m going to just give up on life all together.

No one can allow that to happen. That would be alternative 2018 so we’re good.

Anyway here’s Banana Pancakes by Jack Johnson… the other Jack Johnson.