The Penguins Makin Cap Space For A Move

By Trapp

Pittsburgh Penguins traded Conor Sheary and Hatt Munwick to the Buffalo Sabres for a conditional 2019 fourth-round draft pick. One shit city to another, man that’s gotta suck. Not gonna be sippin from the Cup for a while sorry boys.

This is clearly a cap dump maneuver for the Penguins to have some room to make a move with July 1st just four days away. There’s word out that they have interest in chapter eleven defender Jack Johnson, as well as maybe acquiring Jeff Skinner outta Carolina via trade. But can’t this team just be bad for a little bit again? I don’t understand how this fuckin team’s ever been under the salary cap to begin with yet they somehow make it work. They’re not one of the remaining teams in the running for JT but I gotta say, if I wake up July 1st and JT said SIIIIIIIKE! and it was an alternate reality like alternate ‘85 in Back to the Future 2 and it was all a plan to make a super team then I’m going to just give up on life all together.

No one can allow that to happen. That would be alternative 2018 so we’re good.

Anyway here’s Banana Pancakes by Jack Johnson… the other Jack Johnson.

Barry Trotz Named Islanders Head Coach

By Trapp

Two weeks after winning the Stanley Cup with the Washington Capitals, Trotz gives the organization his resignation as head coach and was then deemed a free agent.

Insert New York Islanders. Lou Lamoriello is hired, comes in and gets rid of the garbage in Garth Snow and fires Doug Weight. With the NHL draft approaching and in need of a coach Lou wastes no time and calls up Barry now that he’s available.

After the two met and gave it a couple of days for everyone to speculate, the announcement was made a day before the 2018 NHL Draft. Trotz agreed to a five year deal doubling what his previous salary was in Washington.

Is this enough to entice John Tavares to sign that eight year extension? Time will tell.

Mike HoffMAN Traded Twice Before Lunch

By Trapp

The Ottawa Senators are a dumpster fire. First the Assistant GM has allegations toward him about gettin weird with a driver and then the story breaks about HoffMAN’s fiancé cyber bullying Erik Karlsson’s wife. Not a good look for the franchise.

So, within days of all that coming out, GM Pierre Dorion fuckin trades HoffMAN to San Jose along with defenseman Cody Donaghey and a 2020 fifth round draft pick, for Mikkel Boedker, defenseman Julius Bergman and a 2020 sixth rounder. Ok cool.

Two hours later.

Doug Wilson GM of San Jose gives Dale Tallon, GM of the Florida Panthers, a call and they strike a deal. HoffMAN is sent BAAACK to the East and to the same goddamn division. Hey Senators, you get to play Michael and the Cats four times next season. Going back to San Jose in the deal from Florida was a 2019 second-round pick, a 2018 fourth-round pick and a 2018 fifth-round pick.

That’s some GM sorcery by Doug Wilson. Shedding Boedker’s contract and collecting draft picks which never hurts. This clears cap room for them to take a run at free agents John Tavares and Ilya Kovalchuk. And as for Ottawa… yea it’s just gonna get worse when Karlsson is eventually dealt.

Matt Duchene must be thrilled…

Washed Up Wednesday: Jeff Toms

By Trapp

During the dark ages, the New York Rangers saw many players come and go. Big names, no names, team couldn’t win for shit and couldn’t make playoffs.

In the pic above Jeff Toms is gettin sticked and is celebrating one of his three goals he scored one night against the Boston Bruins. He skated with Theo Fleury and Eric Lindros that night. Think about that for a second…I vividly remember watching this game on a Wednesday night with my dad and finding it very funny. Ffej stuck around long enough to get over 200 games in the league. Amassed 22 goals. And finished his career in the Swiss-A league. Sounds about right. 

Look at the ref in the back pointing “YO THAT’S NUMBER THREE JEFF.”

I Really Thought Drouin Exploded Last Night

By Trapp

Thomas Hickey laid out a monstrous hit on Jonthan Drouin last night in every sense of the word. If you were watching the Islander/Tampa game last night you got to see some shit. An absolute bomb by HedMAN, an awful Leddy goal. But, if you were Jonathan Drouin, you weren’t seeing much other stars and fuckin rainbows after Hickey’s body completely annihilated you. Drouin was damn near baby giraffe after the hit.


This isn’t stick and puck over at your local rink, don’t make that move at the blueline…ever. 

Mike Richards Played Beer League Hockey Before Signing in the District

By Trapp 

According to the Washington Post:
  

Before the Washington Capitals signed Richards to a one-year deal last month, he had essentially been exiled from professional hockey for nine months. He knew he needed to keep skating to stay in shape for a probably return, so he got creative.

Two nights a week, the two-time Stanley Cup champion would go to the Kenora Recreation Centre on 18 Mike Richards Way and suit up for the Kenora Kings, his brothers’ team in the local beer league. He played defense, silenced trash talk with seven-goal performances and occasionally got grumpy requests to slow down.

That seriously better have been the best beer league team on the planet for Mike to land a deal with the hottest team in the league. You would’ve thought with how shit went down he’d hire like Dolph Lundgren to be his trainer or something to make a severe comeback. Naaaa gonna drink a couple reebs..snipe..you know

In all seriousness though shit went sour with Mike and that shit happened for a reason the way it did.

He’s a proven player that “knows what it takes to win.” That’s being honest too. But I hate that fuckin sentence because all I heard during Chris Drury’s tenure with the Rangers outta Rosen’s mouth was “ohhh Joe he’s a proven winner.” 

Anyway.

Couple 7-8 point nights for Mike and here we are now. He’s reunited with Wustin Jilliams. He and his team have a great shot of winning the Cup. Shit man, if only a couple hat tricks and a good celly got me a pro contract.

This is Ovechkin callin up Mike to come play in D.C. 

Yea Well McDavid’s Back

By Trapp

  
Listen I’m just gonna say this: Yug misses 37 games… First game back… He does this… Holy God.

He scored ALOT of goals like the one in the video above when he played for the Erie Otters.

Joonas Korpisalo more than likely shit himself when he saw McDavid emerge through the entire team and all that was left was him. 

Must’ve Sucked to be Gary on Sunday

By Trapp 

 

It was truly something out of a movie.

You have your piece of shit villain, Gary Bettman, who in real life is a terrible person. You have your underdog hockey player in John Scott who is being pulled in two different directions. Should he play in the All Star Game that the fans voted him in to or listen to the naysayers?

After a Players Tribune article came out it turns out the naysayers were in fact people who run the league and particular General Managers. And once they threw at him and asked that if he participated in the game would it be something his children were ‘proud of’. Scott says fuck that and that lights a fire. He moves forward and is now set to captain the Pacific Division. 

With 5 career goals, multiple suspensions, trades to different teams and cities, uprooting his family on several occasions. It hasn’t been a glamorous NHL career that someone like Jonathan Toews enjoys. Regardless Scott takes this probably once in a lifetime opportunity.

As typical as a Hollywood ending goes for a story about the underdog: John Scott scores two goals and is the MVP of the All Star Game. He also given a classic lift from his teammates and had his ‘Rudy’ moment. Easily the best All Star Game in recent memory. He stuck it to the naysayers, he burned Jeremy Roenick on the bench in an interview. 

Must’ve felt pretty sweet taking that million dollar check from Gary Bettman’s hands after being named MVP of the game he tried keeping John Scott from.

  

Guy Catches Hank’s Stick Then Takes On All Of New York

By Trapp

  
  
  
Another one in the books. The Rangers won their 6th straight last night, Nash scored a sweet fuckin goal and Hank was setting records and adding another shut out to stats. After the Rangers rejoiced because of another victory Hank was named number 1 star of the game and he tossed his stick into the crowd for a lucky fan to have as a souvenir. Then all hell broke loose. 

You would’ve thought he started World War 9.

Me and my fiancé’s brothers were watching the game and we caught this war live I thought I had heart palpitations I was laughing so hard at this. So glad it made its way onto the Internet. 
  
This guy was gonna do whatever the hell it took to leave MSG with that staff. I wonder what was going through this guy’s head at this very moment? He may have thought that this was it.