Yak Is Off To The Kay

By Trapp

Really didn’t take long at all to be honest. I fuckin knew this guy was gonna turn out to be another Daigle. I think a lot of us saw this one coming. Another first overall pick for Edmonton, horrible coaching, no development. It was a recipe for disaster.

A stop in St. Louis, and one last shot with Colorado and jus like that the 2012 former first overall draft pick Nail Yakupov has officially signed a two year deal with KHL’s SKA St. Petersburg. Who knows if he decides to sack up and come back when that deal is complete but his time in the NHL is done after six seasons.

“Yea Pavel.. HA yea it’s me. Comin over to the K… I’m 24…Later.”

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Torts Is Fired Up And This Is Exactly What We Needed

By Trapp

It’s no secret how John Tortorella feels about the Pittsburgh Penguins. He fuckin hates that organization with a passion. And to add salt to the wound, veteran defenseman Jack Johnson left the Columbus Blue Jackets and signed a deal with the Penguins.

Torts heard about Johnson saying he chose Pittsburgh to “be part of a winning culture.”

Shots fired.

In an interview with The Athletic, Torts took those comments as a slap in the face to Columbus. Torts tried calling Jack up and seeing what’s what and Jack is ghostin John.

“He doesn’t have enough balls to call me back, because I’ve tried to get in touch with him,” Tortorella told The Athletic. “You don’t (expletive) on an organization that’s done nothing but try to help you. We all know Jack has had some problems along the way here. It’s very well-chronicled. All we’ve done is try to (expletive) help him.”

Jack denied his message being a shot at his former team but more so to the fact that Pitt has two cups in the last three seasons.

Oh and Torts also heard about some of the comments that Pittsburgh GM Jim Rutherford made about why Johnson had been scratched in these past playoffs. Torts had an answer for Rutherford. And it was simply:

“Rutherford needs to the shut the fuck up.”

I only became aware of this now and I think I know how I feel about it

By Trapp

So soccer on ice is a thing. Really don’t think I’ve seen this before. It looks like a shit show. Full hockey equipment too… and bowling shoes. It is a remarkably low scoring affair like it’s predecessor: fútbol

I’d really like to crush at least five JT Miller High Life’s and just give this game a whirl. Just once. It probably gets old quick when you’re playing. I think I’m going to stick to talking about making a beer league comeback instead. Speaking of which, my beer league comeback is actually near….stay tuned.

Verdict: soccer on ice is fuckin dumb

The Penguins Makin Cap Space For A Move

By Trapp

Pittsburgh Penguins traded Conor Sheary and Hatt Munwick to the Buffalo Sabres for a conditional 2019 fourth-round draft pick. One shit city to another, man that’s gotta suck. Not gonna be sippin from the Cup for a while sorry boys.

This is clearly a cap dump maneuver for the Penguins to have some room to make a move with July 1st just four days away. There’s word out that they have interest in chapter eleven defender Jack Johnson, as well as maybe acquiring Jeff Skinner outta Carolina via trade. But can’t this team just be bad for a little bit again? I don’t understand how this fuckin team’s ever been under the salary cap to begin with yet they somehow make it work. They’re not one of the remaining teams in the running for JT but I gotta say, if I wake up July 1st and JT said SIIIIIIIKE! and it was an alternate reality like alternate ‘85 in Back to the Future 2 and it was all a plan to make a super team then I’m going to just give up on life all together.

No one can allow that to happen. That would be alternative 2018 so we’re good.

Anyway here’s Banana Pancakes by Jack Johnson… the other Jack Johnson.

Barry Trotz Named Islanders Head Coach

By Trapp

Two weeks after winning the Stanley Cup with the Washington Capitals, Trotz gives the organization his resignation as head coach and was then deemed a free agent.

Insert New York Islanders. Lou Lamoriello is hired, comes in and gets rid of the garbage in Garth Snow and fires Doug Weight. With the NHL draft approaching and in need of a coach Lou wastes no time and calls up Barry now that he’s available.

After the two met and gave it a couple of days for everyone to speculate, the announcement was made a day before the 2018 NHL Draft. Trotz agreed to a five year deal doubling what his previous salary was in Washington.

Is this enough to entice John Tavares to sign that eight year extension? Time will tell.

Mike HoffMAN Traded Twice Before Lunch

By Trapp

The Ottawa Senators are a dumpster fire. First the Assistant GM has allegations toward him about gettin weird with a driver and then the story breaks about HoffMAN’s fiancé cyber bullying Erik Karlsson’s wife. Not a good look for the franchise.

So, within days of all that coming out, GM Pierre Dorion fuckin trades HoffMAN to San Jose along with defenseman Cody Donaghey and a 2020 fifth round draft pick, for Mikkel Boedker, defenseman Julius Bergman and a 2020 sixth rounder. Ok cool.

Two hours later.

Doug Wilson GM of San Jose gives Dale Tallon, GM of the Florida Panthers, a call and they strike a deal. HoffMAN is sent BAAACK to the East and to the same goddamn division. Hey Senators, you get to play Michael and the Cats four times next season. Going back to San Jose in the deal from Florida was a 2019 second-round pick, a 2018 fourth-round pick and a 2018 fifth-round pick.

That’s some GM sorcery by Doug Wilson. Shedding Boedker’s contract and collecting draft picks which never hurts. This clears cap room for them to take a run at free agents John Tavares and Ilya Kovalchuk. And as for Ottawa… yea it’s just gonna get worse when Karlsson is eventually dealt.

Matt Duchene must be thrilled…