It Would Be Scary If These Two Fished Together For A Weekend

by Trapp

   

I wouldn’t take Datsyuk as an outdoorsy kinda guy. But it’s clear as day with his Duck Dynasty/Bass Master get-up that he’s got goin, I’m pretty fuckin wrong. Guy definitely does four wheeling through a couple pipelines when he’s got some spare time. Take a look at that fuckin fish he caught. I’m pretty impressed with that. Whatever water or vodka Datsyuk drinks he must’ve got it from Geno Malkin because 2 weeks ago Malkin caught this…

  
Literally move over Kevin Van Dam, Geno and Pasha will take it from here.

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Good Job Russia, Way to Be

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By Doud

 

If I’m Being totally honest with myself, I was actually rooting for Russia since the prospect of a potential USA/Russia Cold War rematch/Gold Medal match up was too glorious to ignore.  Would have been the most unreal game played on frozen water possibly ever.  But of course Russia fucked it up, much like they’ve fucked up the entire construction of the city of Sochi.  Watching their entire second rate nation weep after such high expectations may be as awesome as what Rocky v Drago part 2 would have been.

 

Head coach Zinetruoweorwenrnklwek Bilydsaoirjhlkrnkl or whatever had this to say:

Q (Reporter): What future, if any, do you see for your own work and for your coaching staff? Because, you know, your predecessor was eaten alive after the Olympics—

A (Bilyaletdinov): Well then, eat me alive right now—

Q: No, I mean—

A: Eat me, and I won’t be here anymore.

Q: But we have the world championship coming up!

A: Well then, there will be a different coach because I won’t exist any more, since you will have eaten me.

Q: But you’re staying, aren’t you?

A: Yes, I will remain living.

 

OK bro sounds good, ship this dude off to wherever Hannibal Lector is chillin nowadays.  Most likely an easier fate than whatever Putin has in store for the remainder of his life.  Way to do nothing to get Ovechkin going like putting him on the right side half boards on the power play where hes most effective, or continue to play Radulov in the USA game which basically gave the Americans that game considering he was a moronic penalty machine in that match.  Perhaps introduce a defensive scheme once in a while, heard that’s pretty cool.  Maybe don’t rely on 4 players individual skill.

 

So now the semifinal games are both rematches of the last 2 Gold Medal Games.  Should be sick. Enjoy, Russia, as every nation you despise celebrates medal victories on your own soil.