The First Installment of the Dangle Fest Saga

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The Curious Case of Benjamin Bishop

by Trapp 

  
Con Jooper keeps making jokes like the shmuck he is “Hey come on he’s 6’7 it takes a long time for him to get up!” That shit isn’t really fooling anybody dude. You had 20 year old Vasilevskiy in for game 4 and was most likely shitting his pants. I personally don’t think Chicago tested him enough and it was also the worst game the Blackhawks played in the post season this year. 

Point is, there is alot of annoying speculation as to what’s wrong with Benjamin. 

Aftermath of Saad driving the net and colliding with Bishop.

Game 2 he leaves the net, comes back, leaves the net and yada yada yada fuckin circus act. A lot of people on Twitter were sharing what they think is the issue with Bishop and a lot of people chirped him for bein soft. Luongo tweeted that it could be diarrhea. I’m gonna rule that one out though even though it’s hilarious. Doud suggested to Puck Daddy and was mentioned on their podcast that it was actually Jean Claude Van Damme escaping henchmen like in Sudden Death.

  
  
I won’t rule that one out because I pray to Christ that happened in game 2 and/or has happened before period. But at the end of the day Benjamin Bish is probably dealing with a hip or groin issue. He did not partake in today’s practice and there have been multiple updates within like 20 minutes saying he’s “uncertain” for game 5 and one that he’s “hopeful” and getting better each day. This shit’s getting annoying. Which one is it? Suck it up Ben. I hope you do play tomorrow night and there are endless chirps around the net and between plays from the Hawks directed toward you. 

You won’t be the first Benjamin disliked mightily by the people of Chicago. 

Where Is Kane?

By Trapp

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New Winnipeg Jets Head Coach Paul Maurice broke the news today that the High Speed Aeronautic Attack Vehicles forward Evander Kane will be “out until after Olympic Break”

Shit ton of trade rumors circulatin Kaner in the last two weeks

Maybe he just needs some time off get a couple drinks and clear the head.

Hopefully shit don’t get too outta hand over the Olympic Break where you got Pauly M askin his players

This Is Such An Acceptable Jersey Foul

By Trapp

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Yep. That’s what the jersey says. Mandeskog.

If you aren’t aware, but I’m sure most of you are, there shouldn’t be an “M” there should be an “L” because it is the Colorado Avalanche’s captain’s jersey, Gabriel Landeskog. I think when people put their own names on jerseys of sports teams is one of the worst things in the world. There’s a laundry list of things that suck in this world and that is definitely on it. But with that being said it could simply be a mess up on the manufacturer’s end because the alphabet does go “…JKLMNO…”and so on and so forth but deep down I think this guy wanted that jersey to say Mandeskog. I mean, he even cut the damn sleeves off the fuckin jersey. The only other person who would ever cut the sleeves off an NHL jersey would have to be Casey Jones.  Pretty much this guy is an all around savage who probably crushes a couple Miller Lites in the parking lot of the Pepsi Center before home games.

Zuccarello Is Pumped His Mom’s In Town

By Trapp

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Last night during the second intermission of the Rangers/Sabres game Al Trautwig interviewed Mats Zuccarello. Zuke mentioned how his mom’s in town pretty much wipin his ass and folding clothes; shit my mom did for me when I was like 4. Been fending for myself like a man since. But Zuccarello mentioned that she cooks for him and she’s been cooking him meatloaf. Immediately and obviously only one possible thing popped in my head the second he said his mom cooks him meatloaf.