Torts Is Fired Up And This Is Exactly What We Needed

By Trapp

It’s no secret how John Tortorella feels about the Pittsburgh Penguins. He fuckin hates that organization with a passion. And to add salt to the wound, veteran defenseman Jack Johnson left the Columbus Blue Jackets and signed a deal with the Penguins.

Torts heard about Johnson saying he chose Pittsburgh to “be part of a winning culture.”

Shots fired.

In an interview with The Athletic, Torts took those comments as a slap in the face to Columbus. Torts tried calling Jack up and seeing what’s what and Jack is ghostin John.

“He doesn’t have enough balls to call me back, because I’ve tried to get in touch with him,” Tortorella told The Athletic. “You don’t (expletive) on an organization that’s done nothing but try to help you. We all know Jack has had some problems along the way here. It’s very well-chronicled. All we’ve done is try to (expletive) help him.”

Jack denied his message being a shot at his former team but more so to the fact that Pitt has two cups in the last three seasons.

Oh and Torts also heard about some of the comments that Pittsburgh GM Jim Rutherford made about why Johnson had been scratched in these past playoffs. Torts had an answer for Rutherford. And it was simply:

“Rutherford needs to the shut the fuck up.”

My Five NHL Draft Busts

By Trapp

With the first round of the NHL draft just hours away let’s go down memory lane and see my five draft busts list.

Nikita Filatov – Drafted by the Columbus Blue Jackets, 1st round, 6th overall 2008 draft

What the fuck happened man? You didn’t wanna play a little defense in Ken HitchCOCK’s system in Columbus? You managed 9 games in Ottawa and then it was off to the K. Your numbers in the KHL are remarkably underwhelming too. Ya lasted 53 NHL games. Notable player drafted after this dud: Erik Karlsson…

Nail Yakupov – Drafted by the Edmonton Oilers, 1st round, 1st overall 2012 draft

Holy hell have you let everyone down so far. It’s been 6 years since your draft year annnnnnd well let’s just say you AREN’T exactly this generations Pavel Bure and ya also never eclipsed over 35 points in a season. Your first name is Nail.. fucking NAIL. The NHL needs a goal scoring machine superstar named Nail! You’re only 24 and the NHL is a young mans game but the thing is you’ve been St. Louis’ and Colorado’s reclamation project. The third team to take you on should be the last. Just get a hold of whatever Ovechkin and Kuznetsov are drinking and light it up. It would be hilarious if you won the Hart Trophy next year. Notable player drafted after Nail: Filip Forsberg

Hugh Jessiman – Drafted by the New York Rangers, 1st round, 12th overall 2003 draft

2003 was the DEEPEST NHL DRAFT EVER and THIS.. THIS.. this is who the Rangers drafted. Holy shit. Gonna just get right to it. TWO NHL games. That is it. And here is a list of the players in that draft that went after Hugh:

Dustin Brown

Brent Seabrook (Oceanstream)

Zach Parise

Ryan Getzlaf

Brent Burns

Ryan Kesler

Mike Richards

Corey Perry

Loui Eriksson

Patrice Bergeron

Shea Weber

Alexander Daigle – Drafted by the Ottawa Senators, 1st round, 1st overall 1993 draft

Good God what did you do? Your numbers in QMJHL prior and leading up to the draft make my neck hurt bro.

91-92 season, 35g, 75a for 110pts in 66 games played. LOL ok. The next season, 92-93 legit your draft year… 45g, 92a for 137pts in 53 games played. You play a full season with the Senators your rookie season in 93-94 and post 51 points. OK maybe the kid needs to acclimate. It just doesn’t pan out after that.

It’s like you set the bar at 51 to be the MAX points you’ll contribute to a season when things were going well. Like aahhh shit 18 games left you could eclipse 60 points for sure.. Naa I’m good with 51. YA DID manage 616 games. A lot of people expect that number to be goals. I will say, your HockeyDB pic is very Point Break so that’s cool. Notable player(s) drafted after you: Chris Pronger, Paul Kariya.

Patrik Stefan – Drafted by the Atlanta Thrashers 1st round, 1st overall 1999 draft

Could be all Brian Burke’s fault, honestly. Atlanta sat with the 2nd overall pick in the draft and a goddamn determined BRIAN Burke and Vancouver Canucks were Sedin Army all the way.

Here’s footage of Marc Crawford trying to stop Burkey from making deals to move up in the draft:

Atlanta was like “Ight we’ll select Stefan first overall so the Sedins can go to Vancouver.” I mean the ‘99 draft wasn’t necessarily loaded but good lord. Pick Martin Havlat over Stefan! He survived 6 seasons with the Thrashers and played his final season at age 27 with the Dallas Stars in the 2006-2007 season. He’s most memorable for missing an empty net that was cock length away which then resulted in the Oilers going down the other way to tie the game in the final second of the game. Here you can watch, Ray Ferarro is gold in this by the way:

Yea Well McDavid’s Back

By Trapp

Listen I’m just gonna say this: Yug misses 37 games… First game back… He does this… Holy God.

He scored ALOT of goals like the one in the video above when he played for the Erie Otters.

Joonas Korpisalo more than likely shit himself when he saw McDavid emerge through the entire team and all that was left was him. 

J Keks Doesn’t Play Baby Games

By Trapp


CBJ forward and leading scorer from last year, Ryan Johansen, is in a fuckin showdown regarding his contract situation with upper management. Johansen had one good year in the final year of his entry level contract and now he thinks he’s sittin first class like Don Johnson. CBJ GM Jarmo Kekalainen had a few choice words for Johansen as training camp opens.

“Our success is going to come from being a team, not a bunch of individuals or stars, or whatever,” Kekalainen told Aaron Portzline of the Columbus Dispatch “We’re not a star-studded team. To me it’s huge that you go through training camp together and get ready.”

John Davidson, the team’s director of hockey operations, and general manager Jarmo Kekalainen separately said “enough is enough” after what they contended were offers of $6 million for two years, $32 million for six and $46 million over eight years were refused by the restricted free agent centre.

CBJ and Co., seem pretty content on moving forward into training camp without their leading scorer.

Also me and Doud drank with him at the Flying Puck.

Brandon Dub Dub and the Columbus Rangers visit Rick Nash and the New York Blue Jackets Tonight

By Trapp

This will be the first game back at the Garden for Dubinsky and Anisimov against their old team, minus Gaborik. And this will be Rick Nash’s first crack at playing his former club where he was their franchise player as well as captain for many years. Nash was sidelined with a concussion when the Rangers played Columbus in Ohio. I for sure marked on my calendar that when Columbus rolls into town to play the ‘soft ass baby shit Rangers’ that Gaborik would most likely have a hattrick but in typical ‘Rik fashion, he’s hurt, again. So we won’t hear Joe Tolleson say this tonight:

“Columbus goal his third of the game and 21st of the season scored by number 10 Marian Gaborik. Assisted by number 17 Brandon Dubinsky and number 42 Artem Anisimov. Time of the goal 8:32. That’s Gaborik from Dubinsky and Anisimov at 8:32.”

Kinda miss this team and group of players alot…as do many Ranger fans

$48 Bucks Says He Scores Alot This Year

By Trapp


The way ‘Rik operates is: On year, Off year, On Year, Off Year…you get the picture…well October will most likely begin his predicted “On Year”. He’s now on a new team, in a contract year, in a new division as well as new conference. He’s 31 years old. He’s in his prime. The poor guy got benched for missin a penalty shot last year in Montreal. For godsake this a guy who scored 40+ goals two times in three years in New York City no less. Come on. Now Alain is runnin that bench with a new system in place that focuses more of an offensive game BUT still being defensively responsible, you kinda wish ‘Rik was still wearin that Blue Sweater but not the one that had his name plate stitched on in Ohio. Gonna suck when he does this Hank and the 15 other teams in the East this year:

Nik Zherdev Just CRUSHING Summer.

By Doud

-Winnipeg Sun: Apparently Nikolai Zherdev partied a little too hard after signing a new KHL contract last week.

The 28-year-old former NHLer, picked up on a one-year deal by HC Lev Praha, celebrated at the Barvikha Luxury Village hotel in Moscow where things turned violent, according to

Zherdev got into a bar brawl and crashed his $300,000 Bentley, which was also vandalized by locals who were outraged with his behaviour. Repairs to the vehicle will cost $30,000.

Hotel staff also claimed he spent nights with various women. Eugenia, his wife, told that after a string of embarrassing events she will file for divorce in the near future.

THATS how you Russia. Hell, thats basically textbook how you America. Sign new deal, get fucked up. Sometimes you just gotta brawl with the locals, that’s part of the game. Gotta love them just kickin a dude when he’s down tho and straight up graffiti-ing the dope Bently post crash.
Worst part of the story though is Mrs Zherdev filing for divorce. Fuckin chicks huh? Dude signs a new deal, has ONE little bad week, you wouldda thought he started World War 9. Whatever I’m sure the chicks Nik pulled were better anyway:

Could Be A Year Long State Of Disarray

By Trapp

Free Agency Day

Every team in the League that plays Hockey Nationally likes to fill their desired holes and areas that can be, let’s say, a missing piece to the puzzle. And by puzzle I mean the Stanley Cup.

Last summer the Rangers traded away some valuable players to win the Rick Nash sweepstakes. They gave up Tim Erixon, Artem Anisimov and Brandon Dubinsky. Listen you’re gonna get your 50/50 raffle with this one. Fans were pissed because those were two homegrown players and a highly touted prospect they just gave up almost in a sense to cash in. Same shit happened in the summer of 2007 when the Rangers let Mike Nylander walk and they signed Chris Drury and Scott Gomez. Two bonafide 2nd and 3rd line players. When NJ won their two cups with Scott, he wasn’t on the first line with Patrik Elias and Petr Sykora. When Chris Drury won his cup in Colorado, he wasn’t on the first line with Joe Sakic and Alex Tanguay. That’s just not how shit was. Whatever I digress.

The Rangers get this marquee guy in Rick Nash and he’s added to a cast of a team that was 2 wins shy of advancing to the Stanley Cup for the first time since 1994. Yo straight up when they got Nash I literally said ok we’re gonna win the cup.

What a fuckin move

Richards, Nash, Gaborik, Callahan, Staal, McDonagh, Girardi…oh and ummm Henrik Lundqvist. Arguably the greatest goalie that’s playing hockey on the planet currently. I thought of those names and immediately I’m thinking they can win the cup in a 48 game season easily. Wrong. The same situation from 2007-2008 season happened in this previous 2012-2013 season. Expectations were placed on this team’s shoulders and they flat out were bad right from the start. Bad.

Still couldn’t score goals, Hank can’t see pucks or we block so many shots they deflect off the defenders and in. Just an endless brigade of really preventable shit. Gaborik gets ran out of town. Weird, a two time 40 goal scorer in 3 years on Broadway for a guy who was softer than baby shit turned into a really hard working player. They get back players that fit John Tortorella’s system. And that’s it. Somehow beat the Caps in game 7, get han mandled by Boston in round 2. Torts gets fired. Alain is hired, great coach, offensive yet defensively responsible system but not to the point where hank has to win 40 “2-1” games out of his 65 starts.

This now brings us full circle to where we are today:

Nathan Horton and Valteri Filpulla are both likely to sign in Columbus. That team is on the rise. Gaborik, Anisimov, Dubinsky, Jack Johnson, Bobrovsky.

Gaborik will score 40 goals this year in a contract year. If they do well this season and if he does well this season he’ll most likely resign. I could be jumpin to conclusions but I don’t know I’m only human.

Kinda wish Gaborik was still in New York now don’t you?