NHL Lookalikes: Steve Ott and Steve the Pirate from Dodgeball

By Trapp

Kinda looks like Steve Ott was in Dodgeball doesn’t it? Both named Steve so yea why not?

Ott throughout his NHL career was ‘that guy’ and had some really bad chirps. Heard that teammates described him as the absolute worst when it comes to that. He straight up told Giroux he’d beat him on a draw and then lost it clean.

During the intermission of that game Ott attempted to be a tough guy with Flyers coach Peter Laviolette. Yea Pete wasn’t havin any of that:

Fun fact: Ott was Captain of the Buffalo Sabres at one point lol.

I saw Dodgeball in the theater with my friend Chris..not Doud he sucks.. my other friend Chris. And there were two take aways he had from that movie when we left: fuckin Chuck Norris and cram it in your cram hole. Chris straight up said those two things on repeat for the next couple of months. Alan Tudyk gave a convincing performance as a pirate. Real character actor. He was funny as hell in ‘Knocked Up’ also. But he fuckin nailed it as K-2S0 in Rogue One.

The Penguins Makin Cap Space For A Move

By Trapp

Pittsburgh Penguins traded Conor Sheary and Hatt Munwick to the Buffalo Sabres for a conditional 2019 fourth-round draft pick. One shit city to another, man that’s gotta suck. Not gonna be sippin from the Cup for a while sorry boys.

This is clearly a cap dump maneuver for the Penguins to have some room to make a move with July 1st just four days away. There’s word out that they have interest in chapter eleven defender Jack Johnson, as well as maybe acquiring Jeff Skinner outta Carolina via trade. But can’t this team just be bad for a little bit again? I don’t understand how this fuckin team’s ever been under the salary cap to begin with yet they somehow make it work. They’re not one of the remaining teams in the running for JT but I gotta say, if I wake up July 1st and JT said SIIIIIIIKE! and it was an alternate reality like alternate ‘85 in Back to the Future 2 and it was all a plan to make a super team then I’m going to just give up on life all together.

No one can allow that to happen. That would be alternative 2018 so we’re good.

Anyway here’s Banana Pancakes by Jack Johnson… the other Jack Johnson.

NHL Veteran Daniel Briere Calls It A Career

by Trapp

  
Danny B has played his final game in the NHL and it’s too bad it was with the Avalanche. All the damage he did against teams throughout his career in the playoffs was fun to watch except against my Rangers in 2007 but I digress. The former 1996 first round pick to the Phoenix Coyotes exits the game without a Stanley Cup. When healthy he was an exciting player to watch and he scored some clutch goals and did the same celebration legitimately every time. 

Not to mention the guy put 30 points in 2010 playoffs as a member of the Flyers when they went on to eventually lose to Chicago in the finals.

Cockbab Gettin Paid, Gettin Paid

By Trapp

Mike Babcock, Head Coach of Toronto Maple Leafs

You’re lookin at the new head coach of the 2014-2015 laughing stock of the NHL: Toronto Maple Leafs

Buff Sabes and his now former Detroit squad were in the running, but eventually pulled out. Toronto threw an absurd amount of money and incentives at Michael and he gladly accepted. Cockbab’s deal is 8 years at an estimated $50 Million Dollars.

I eventually see this team being a good team, Michael will influence better drafting and will attract players to wanna go to Toronto. They are still in their rebuilding mode but if I were a Leaf fan I’d be borderline aroused knowing you have the best coach in the NHL on their bench.

Zuccarello Is Pumped His Mom’s In Town

By Trapp

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Last night during the second intermission of the Rangers/Sabres game Al Trautwig interviewed Mats Zuccarello. Zuke mentioned how his mom’s in town pretty much wipin his ass and folding clothes; shit my mom did for me when I was like 4. Been fending for myself like a man since. But Zuccarello mentioned that she cooks for him and she’s been cooking him meatloaf. Immediately and obviously only one possible thing popped in my head the second he said his mom cooks him meatloaf.

GOT ALOT OF THINGS TO DISCUSS, MAINLY UPDATES: PAR DEUX

By Trapp

Last night 10/28/13 marked a special night in hockey. Lindy Ruff now the coach of the Dallas Stars played his first game in Buffalo as an opposing coach for the first time in 14 years. That’s pretty special stuff to coach a team for that long, it’s unfortunate the yug never got to win the Stanley Cup all those years in BuffNation. Also in that game tonight was the debut of Matt Moulson who was acquired yesterday by the Buffalo Sabres from the New York Islanders in exchange for Thomas Vanek. Islanders gave up a good amount to get him so hopefully it pays off for them. Matt Moulson was a well liked guy in that lockerroom, let’s see how this affects the team and overall his dude Johnny Tavs.

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Moulson scored two damn goals in his debut for Buff tonight. Doesn’t really matter because he’ll be dealt at the deadline, maybe even sooner.

Tonight was also the home opener for the New York Rangers against the Montreal Canadiens. This comes after a 9 game road trip which was pretty much a nightmare for the team and fans. After the first period I gave the edge to the Rangers but the officiating took over the game for a couple questionable calls. Won’t get into great detail but apparently Brian Boyle should’ve just allowed the opposing player to skate gingerly through the neutral zone instead of bodying him up? And also Chris Kreider shouldn’t make attempts to stay onside just go offside? Regardless the Rangers ended up losing the game 2-0.

In other news: Chicago beat the shit out of Minnesota again, Canucks won, Saku Koivu probably has a concussion after the Brandon DubDub hit which was clean by the way, Robbie Scuds has a broken ankle and will miss a shit ton of time from the Penguin lineup, Hanzal is suspended again, Vanek will play for the Islanders tonight and Carl Hagelin will play for the Rangers tonight.

Tonight’s games:
NYR vs NYI
ANA vs PHI
DAL vs MTL
TBL vs NJD
OTT vs CHI
WPG vs STL
TOR vs EDM
LAK vs PHX

That’s Right, And It’s The Choice Of A New Generation

By BLB

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Grabovski Refers To Ex Teammate As A ‘Musketeer’

By Trapp

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Yeah a musketeer who sucks at being a musketeer. Kessel would be the weakest musketeer of all time. If Kessel was a musketeer and they made costumes that portrayed Kessel and they were sold at like Party City, they wouldn’t sell. Even a six year old would realize that Kessel would be a terrible musketeer. Chuck Sheen was a bad ass Musketeer from the 1993 film “The Three Musketeers”.

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Also, I love Grabovski’s closing remarks:

“I don’t care about that team. Who cares? My team is here.”

Yikes.

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Has This Been The Best Preseason Ever?







by Doud

So we’re a week out from real, actual NHL action but good god what a hell of a preseason its been.
Last night B-Town turned into Beat-down Town as the Capitals apparently take exception to legal hits and dropped em with regularity. Joel Rechlicz did solid damage to Milan Lucic’s knuckles with his nose, Aaron Volpatti rearranged Kevan Miller’s sinuses, and there was a 2-fer in the corner to round it out. Also Chara had a straight up BOMB on the PP to tie it in the third.
Then there was the complete debacle of a mele in Toronto. Phil Kessel not only is the ugliest motherfucker alive, but apparently hes a huge bitch. Granted, John Scott could literally devour any human alive and could easily be mistaken for an actual tree, but still bro man up and not use your stick like goddamn Paul Bunyan how bout. i’d have more respect for you if you just turtled but what kinda man doesn’t at least drop ’em and act as a seat belt for big John? Clarky gettin automatic 10 for commin off the bench to defend the hideous little guy sucks for Toronto but he shouldda been on the ice anyway instead of Phil. All that came after the 2 teams the previous night went the distance in the shootout and then some, which was only highlighted by Paul Ranger’s kick shot attempt which fuckin RULED. Pleas eput him in every shootout this year, if he went bar down on that I prob wouldda moved to Iowa.
Oh and Sam Gagner’s face sucks now.
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This is gonna be a kick ass season.

P.S. Marian Gaborik’s definitely gonna score 45 this year. Mark it down.

Kessel Could Be The Worst Human Being Alive

By Trapp

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I don’t care what anyone says I really don’t. This guy is as soft as baby shit and he’s a borderline creep. Actually take borderline outta the equation and let’s just go with he’s a fuckin creep. He looks like Johnny’s friend from the Karate Kid who announced at the tournament in the dojo that they should put Laruso in a body bag. NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT RALPH MACCHIO.

CASE AND POINT
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Moving on….

I’m gonna start off with this video

That’s Kessel from the Karate Kid, God he sucks

Here’s Kessel being just super awkward..probably drinkin All-Sport

I straight up typed in ‘kessel awkward’ on youtube and sure enough this one popped up and so did this next one…

Yup, that’s it. Bro you’re terrible.

This next one is the reason why I proclaimed that he’s as soft as baby shit. Yeah you got John Scott comin after you, but…defend yourself. Don’t shy away and swing at him with your stick and hit him like a baseball, then you low blow him by him doin it to Scott while he’s down?

Crosby at least defends himself. I hope you don’t make team USA.

Also, stop doin the candycane tape job to your sticks…kids did that when they were like 8.