Yak Is Off To The Kay

By Trapp

Really didn’t take long at all to be honest. I fuckin knew this guy was gonna turn out to be another Daigle. I think a lot of us saw this one coming. Another first overall pick for Edmonton, horrible coaching, no development. It was a recipe for disaster.

A stop in St. Louis, and one last shot with Colorado and jus like that the 2012 former first overall draft pick Nail Yakupov has officially signed a two year deal with KHL’s SKA St. Petersburg. Who knows if he decides to sack up and come back when that deal is complete but his time in the NHL is done after six seasons.

“Yea Pavel.. HA yea it’s me. Comin over to the K… I’m 24…Later.”

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NHL Lookalikes: Joe Sakic and Harry Connick Jr.

By Trapp

Son of a bitch this ones real close. Their dangling hair is even similar too.

Love Joe Sakic. Hands down the quickest release on a shot I’ve ever seen. Classy guy too. Handed the Cup directly to Ray Bourque who had never won a Cup in the 22 years he was in the NHL. That shit will give you chills.

 

My man Harry Connick Jr. is a jack of all trades. Singer, composer, actor and television host. He’s got three fuckin Grammy Awards, he’s sold millions of albums worldwide. That’s great and all but there’s only one thing that this man has done that I truly care about:

He was Captain Jimmy Wilder in Independence Day.

I saw this movie in theater when I was seven and it’s also the first movie my friend Brian Dolan watched in surround sound. We all know Jimmy’s fate in ID4. And to this day I am still bothered by it.

What the fuck was he thinking banking at that speed? Taking off his mask too?

Torts Is Fired Up And This Is Exactly What We Needed

By Trapp

It’s no secret how John Tortorella feels about the Pittsburgh Penguins. He fuckin hates that organization with a passion. And to add salt to the wound, veteran defenseman Jack Johnson left the Columbus Blue Jackets and signed a deal with the Penguins.

Torts heard about Johnson saying he chose Pittsburgh to “be part of a winning culture.”

Shots fired.

In an interview with The Athletic, Torts took those comments as a slap in the face to Columbus. Torts tried calling Jack up and seeing what’s what and Jack is ghostin John.

“He doesn’t have enough balls to call me back, because I’ve tried to get in touch with him,” Tortorella told The Athletic. “You don’t (expletive) on an organization that’s done nothing but try to help you. We all know Jack has had some problems along the way here. It’s very well-chronicled. All we’ve done is try to (expletive) help him.”

Jack denied his message being a shot at his former team but more so to the fact that Pitt has two cups in the last three seasons.

Oh and Torts also heard about some of the comments that Pittsburgh GM Jim Rutherford made about why Johnson had been scratched in these past playoffs. Torts had an answer for Rutherford. And it was simply:

“Rutherford needs to the shut the fuck up.”

I only became aware of this now and I think I know how I feel about it

By Trapp

So soccer on ice is a thing. Really don’t think I’ve seen this before. It looks like a shit show. Full hockey equipment too… and bowling shoes. It is a remarkably low scoring affair like it’s predecessor: fútbol

I’d really like to crush at least five JT Miller High Life’s and just give this game a whirl. Just once. It probably gets old quick when you’re playing. I think I’m going to stick to talking about making a beer league comeback instead. Speaking of which, my beer league comeback is actually near….stay tuned.

Verdict: soccer on ice is fuckin dumb

NHL Lookalike: Michael Del Zotto and ‘90s heartthrob Andrew Keegan

By Trapp

Resemblance is pretty striking. Both once teen heartthrobs that had a couple good hits and it’s kinda been nothing since.

Zel Dotto, promising rookie for the New York Rangers. Didn’t turn into Brian Leetch and has been bouncing around on 1-2 year deals with teams before the age of 30.

The Keegs, solid appearance on Full House.

Made his rounds through some of TGIF line up: Boy Meets World, Step by Step

Co-started with Heath Ledger in the classic 10 Things I Hate About you. And didn’t really have anything big after that. In 2014 he started a religion called Full Circle and it’s in Venice Beach.

Tight.

The Penguins Makin Cap Space For A Move

By Trapp

Pittsburgh Penguins traded Conor Sheary and Hatt Munwick to the Buffalo Sabres for a conditional 2019 fourth-round draft pick. One shit city to another, man that’s gotta suck. Not gonna be sippin from the Cup for a while sorry boys.

This is clearly a cap dump maneuver for the Penguins to have some room to make a move with July 1st just four days away. There’s word out that they have interest in chapter eleven defender Jack Johnson, as well as maybe acquiring Jeff Skinner outta Carolina via trade. But can’t this team just be bad for a little bit again? I don’t understand how this fuckin team’s ever been under the salary cap to begin with yet they somehow make it work. They’re not one of the remaining teams in the running for JT but I gotta say, if I wake up July 1st and JT said SIIIIIIIKE! and it was an alternate reality like alternate ‘85 in Back to the Future 2 and it was all a plan to make a super team then I’m going to just give up on life all together.

No one can allow that to happen. That would be alternative 2018 so we’re good.

Anyway here’s Banana Pancakes by Jack Johnson… the other Jack Johnson.

Filip ‘I Bring the Goals” Zadina

By Trapp

Bergervin not picking Zadina at third overall in the draft this past Friday is so Bergervin. Instead of the skilled goal scoring machine winger Montreal went with Jesperi Kotkaniemi to fill the void at center that the organization has lacked. Zadina then sat as three players were selected before him. And now Detroit is on the clock with the sixth pick in the draft. At this point I wouldn’t have been surprised to see Zadina not picked again but Ken Holland was intelligent and Filip Zadina was finally selected. Arguably the second-best goal scorer in this years draft, what a fuckin gift for Detroit.

Zadina was asked after he was drafted what he brings to the Red Wings organization:

“I bring the goals.”

If you’re the Red Wings you gotta love grabbing this player at the sixth spot and what he will bring to your team. With Zadina projected to have gone number three in the draft it would’ve been a no brainer for the Montreal Canadiens to select him right? Not if you’re Marc Bergervin.

Zadina had one message for the Canadiens and Senators for not picking him:

“I’m going to fill their net with pucks.”

Like the Senators don’t have enough problems. Well, consider yourself warned.