IMPORTANT NEWS: Jagr Flow To Make Triumphant Return

jaromir-jagr-hair

jaromir-jagr-mullet

By Doud

The Hockey News: “I have to.”

You’re damn right you have to Jaromir, there’s literally no reason you should have ever cut it in the first place.  The biggest crime in the game over the past decade and a half is the absence of that magnificent and legendary mane.

But Jags, you couldn’t make this monumental announcement like a week ago?  C’mon bro, I had my fantasy draft on Saturday night and would have made you my first round pick if I knew the legendary Jagr Flow was gonna be back in action this year.  If you don’t think Jaromir’s gonna tear shit up and put up astounding numbers whilst his mane of glory dazzles defenders then you don’t know anything about hockey or the 90s and you’re just flat out a stupid person.  Throw out all preseason picks and put the Panthers on top of your list of contenders ‘cuz theres just no stopping Jagr Flow.  I’m setting the over/under at 473 for points this year by the ageless Czech, and I’m taking the over.  By a lot.

Education:

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