Datsyuk vs This 11 Year Old From Japan Who Ya Got

By Doud

Out of the ashes of that country we nuked (twice) arises Aito Iguchi, a prodigy of silky mitts from the obvious hockey hot bed that is Japan. This kid legit has better hands than most danglers in North America and clearly wheels better than those 2 idiots from the O.

Let’s see how those hands do for ya though once hitting is introduced in your games. My prediction: you’ll be blown up worse than Nagasaki.

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Two Dudes From The O Suspended For Being Jerkoffs On Tinder

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By Doud

Tough week for hockey players tryin to wheel with Del Zaster non stop texting pornstars and now this shit. Guys, it’s friggen Tinder. Just keep swiping. Why the hell would you waste your time on some broad who’s grades are too good for you or whatever? It’s a numbers game and most likely someone on the ‘der will bang you. Like you said, you play in the O; as big of a douche canoe statement as that is you know damn well there’s plenty of puck sluts around for you to get down on. However now your names are out there as huge dickheads so your games shot. Well played idiots, way to be the first dicks in the league to get 15 games for not gettin pussy.

Apparently Sean Avery Hates Pizza

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By Doud

From the NY Post: Former NY Ranger Sean Avery had a Shia LaBeouf-style meltdown on the set of his off-Broadway play “Negative Is Positive” and quit two days before it was due to open, after a stage manager politely offered him pizza.
“He’s a playwright’s worst nightmare,” said “Negative” author Christy Smith-Sloman.
The show, which opens at Theater for the New City on Thursday, centers on an interracial married couple, and Avery was to play the lead character’s best friend.
On Monday, Avery left rehearsals early after growing agitated. On Tuesday, Avery’s behavior grew worse. According to Smith-Sloman, when a young assistant stage manager named Natalie asked the athlete-turned-actor if he wanted a slice of pizza, he said no, but somehow thought the assistant had called him an “a–hole.”
“He said I was ‘talking s–t’ and said I was ‘so full of s–t,’” Natalie, who was left in tears, told us. “That’s when I realized that I was dealing with a madman.”

2 things here: A) Sean, bro, if pizza sets you what kinda psychopath are you and how do you live in NYC the capital of ‘zza as seen here:

And 2) Natalie, see those abs? You think he’s someone that’s down with some thin crust? I think not. Gotta be better than that toots.

Forreal though, how does one think “pizza” and “asshole” sound the same?

Lisa Ann Ruins Del Zotto’s Life

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By Doud

Well this looks like the end for Mikey Del Zott. How’s your Sunday morning been? ‘Cuz Mike Del Zotto woke up to his life bein just eviscerated by Lisa Ann all over Twitter. As if he wasn’t shit in his own zone as is now he’s definitely gonna be bombarded with endless chirps from friggen EVERYONE in the league. Apparently he actually can’t even get a porn star off. His only rational move has to be a move to like the German league right? Maybe that random pro league they’ve got in Australia? For a dude that definitely gets plenty of young ass, this is just a bad look bro. Can’t really blame him for goin for the gold and attempting to graduate to actual pornstars but cmon bro groveling endlessly via texts is always an embarrassing move.

P.S. I totally forgot he was in 10 Things I Hate About You:

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Didn’t that kid get kicked in the nuts? Pretty appropriate