Vegas Wranglers Will Play On A Roof Next Year

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By Doud

http://www.reviewjournal.com/business/economy/zamboni-roof-must-be-las-vegas-plazaUnder the deal, the Plaza will convert the fifth floor of its south tower for locker rooms, medical space and bathrooms, Johnson said. He noted that visiting hockey teams and their fans can stay at the Plaza.
The Wranglers will generate revenue from ticket sales, while the team and the hotel-casino will split food and beverage revenue from operations run by the Plaza, Johnson said.
Johnson said the Wranglers expect to boost revenue by using the facility for public skating sessions, men’s hockey leagues and even concerts or conventions. But the team’s 36-game home season must be able to financially support the new facility, he said.
“We’re not counting on outside revenue for viability of the project,” Johnson said.

The Las Vegas Wranglers of the oddly named East Coast Hockey League (the league clearly extends further than the east coast, figure it out) will play all their home games on the goddamn roof of the Plaza Hotel and casino in 2014-’15. Ill say that again: THE LV WRANGLERS ARE PLAYIN ON A FUCKIN ROOF. All home games. 8000000000% chance some drunk as fuck bystander on the strip’s luck changes in a flash when they’re struck by an errant puck hurtling from however many stories up.

Serious question: what do I have to do get on this team (other than get good at hockey)? Gotta imagine playin in Vegas is the absolute best possible destination for any pro hockey player. No way even the coaches can attempt to curtail themselves let alone their players from the awesome splendors the city of sin has to offer 24/7. Just imagine all the awesome fucked up shit you’d fantasize about Vegas then throw bein a hometown pro athlete in the mix. Fear and Loathing + The Hangover + Slapshot = Las Vegas Wranglers playin all their home games on a casino roof/their entire existence anyway. Get me a roster spot.

Brad Richards Fiancée Is Borderline Attractive

By Trapp

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It’s pretty cut and dry that in 2011-2012 when Brad was dating Olivia Munn he was playing REAAALLLY good for the rangers. Like ginos on the reg good. They split, he sucked until playoffs. Then last year he must’ve not gotten any ass at all because he “belonged in the snack bar”.

It’s been reported that Bradford has become engaged to Rechelle Jenkins over the Olympic break. Listen Rechelle, with us about to lose Callahan very soon you must literally give Brad a couple quickies before practices and games just so he plays that much better down the final stretch.

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SUP SUN DRESS

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Was Nick Backstrom’s Grandma Behind His ‘Doping’ Charge?

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By Doud

 

So if you recall leading up to the Winter Games Sweden’s Nicklas Backstrom had some familial detractors in the homeland.  Granny Back’ stating that lil Nicky would make a fool of himself and all that shit.  Well low and behold, who gets locked out of the Gold Medal game a mere 2 hours prior?  Sweden’s most irrationally hated grandson of course.  

 

Sweden got jobbed BIG TIME on this one.  Dude has allergies, takes Zyrtec D which apparently has pseudo-ephedrine as an active ingredient, which of course is a banned substance by only the IOC.  No other athletic governing body on this planet lists that as illegal yet 2 hours to perhaps the biggest game he’ll ever play in his career considering he is employed by the Washington Capitals, he gets yanked.  Dude has seasonal allergies.  The weather was spring like in Sochi so I’m sure he was sneezing his face off the whole trip.  “Sorry bro, you cant play for the gold medal today even though we’ve had your results for like 3 days and you told us going into the games you take Zyrtec.”  I’d bet anything his grandma put in a call to keep him out of his game just to be ruthless like that.

 

IOC, keepin it corrupt and shady since the beginnig of time.

 

No chance they would have beat Canada anyway.

Canada is Irrelevant…so is Kunitz

by The Beacon

Yeah. So canada won. Big fucking deal. In the grand scheme of things, what does Canada even do for the world? Nothing. They hang out in the fucking wilderness eating tree bark and Tim Hortons or some shit. And have their big name players even done anything? I don’t think I heard Crosby or his boy wonder Kunitz mentioned in this game. So basically, even though USA fell to Canada in this tilt, it doesn’t matter because USA is still better at pretty much everything else in life. And even the few things you would attribute to Canadian greatness, it turns out its really not that great if you think about it.
Here are a few things:

Maple Syrup- Nah, I buy Vermont made maple syrup.

Great hockey stories- Canada has shitty hockey stories. The 1980 Miracle on Ice is the most iconic hockey moment in history and it belongs to the USA. 

Wolverine- Hell, Wolverine (Weapon X himself) wound up fighting wars for the United States. He didn’t love you Canada. Just Jean Grey…and he killed her so consider yourself lucky.

Molson-…… ok MAYBE i can’t take anything away from Molson. But if any of you watching the USA game today drank Molson, or drank out of a Molson glass, you should be deported. All Molson taps should have been off limits today.

That is pretty much it for things Canada is known for. I literally had to google “Canada’s defining moments” and one of them was giving Women equal rights. Yeah good job there, Canada.

So today, as long as you did American things, like drink American beer, and ate at McDonalds and just ruled at life in general, you should be proud, and support the USA tomorrow to win a bronze.

P.S.- All day at work I sat at my cubicle and refused to do any work and watched this game on my computer. They had it playing in the cafeteria on a projector, but there were a bunch of Russian douche bags rooting for Canada. Because I don’t want to get fired for a belligerent assault on fellow coworkers, i confined myself to my desk. 

PPS- Doud got the opening line from the Herb Brooks Miracle speech wrong in his header before and I am straight up disappointed in him. The Herb Brooks Miracle speech is right behind Independence Day in the Top American speeches category (numbers one and two respectively.) 

Great Moments Are Born of Great Opportunity.

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By Doud

 

As of 12 noon today, Friday February 21st 2014, your work day has concluded.  Its over.  You have one duty today and that is to represent your country and do your family proud by focusing all your will and attention to the nearest TV as it focuses on the crescendo of 4 years worth of build up.  Today We fight back.  We will not vanish without a FIGHT.  Today we hit them where it hurts.  Today we take what’s ours.  Today we shut them down BECAUSE WE CAN.  Our boys may be over in a foreign land fighting the good fight but that does not mean we are not there with them.  Get up, look your boss in the eye and dare him to look at you straight in the face and dictate what’s important today.  This is our country.  This is our game.  This is our time.  Should we win the day, it won’t be a miracle, no sir.  We are meant to be here, and we are built to play for gold.  We skate the ponds, we brave the pre-dawn ice times, we embrace the bitter chill and long for it to reach into our souls and pull out the best in us, just the same as our northern neighbors do.  A moment of perfection on the ice ignites the same feeling of freedom and eternal youthfulness in the land of the free as it does anywhere else on this planet.  Hockey is a club that holds its members tightly, the bond forged by shared hardship and mutual passion, by every trip to the pond where your feet hurt and your face is cold and you might get a stick in the ribs or a puck in the mouth, and you still can’t wait to get back out there because you are smitten with the sound of blades scraping against the ice and pucks clacking off sticks, and with the game’s speed and ever-changing geometry.  It has a way of becoming the center of your life even when you’re not on the ice. 

 

This is every bit our game.  Today is our time.  USA Hockey is do or die.