Referee Rant

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By The Beacon

So, for the few of you who know me, you are aware that I referee youth ice hockey. I have been officiating since I was 13. Now let me start off by saying I am fully aware that refs suck. There is no denying it. They are awful. But let me tell you, its not an easy task. And if you think it is, i challenge you to register as an official and prove me wrong.

ANYWAY. To the point. I had two games earlier tonight. First game was a breeze. The kids could barely skate. No bullshit. They skated up and down the ice and scored goals on the swiss cheese in net. It was like a bunch of Brian Trapps or Chris Douds playing hockey.

Second game, significantly faster. Halfway through the game two dick heads come together and hit each other in the face with their sticks because they are assholes. I let it slide, but then the two kids start pushing and holding each other and slash each other. I decided that was enough, blew the whistle and assessed both players coincidental penalties. No loss of man power, everything stays even strength. Usually no one has a problem with this. Then out of fucking nowhere this asshole parent starts screaming and cursing up a storm like I just launched a nuclear warhead at his house or some shit.  Are you for real bro? It isn’t like your kid got ejected from the game for murdering someone on the ice, or like i let the other player get away with rape in center ice or some shit like that. I called coincidental 2 minute penalties. The guy was about ready to come out onto the ice and apparently have a stroke. I have never seen someone so red in the face before. He was promptly ejected for being a twat. Flipping out about coincidental penalties is like going berserk at a child’s party because one kid broke the piñata before your dumb ass kid got a chance to whack the thing with a stick.

Let me let you in on a little fact, sir. Your kid sucks. He isn’t going anywhere with hockey. He would be better off playing girl’s soccer. Or being a boy playing on a girls soccer team like that movie Ladybugs. The fact that you freaked out in a youth hockey game should make you feel embarrassed. The scorekeeper said to me, “Maybe he had a bad day.” I said I hope his wife left him.

Get your life together.

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